When Kindness Met Kind Fraud
沙村"趣"事 ·
经验：
- 单词要拼写正确；
- 多用连接词，用逗号分句，合理分段落。不要太依赖which从句；
- 多用高级词，不用重复用词。
Optimized Version by Chatgpt：
It's been a long time, so I can describe it honestly and wisely. In fact, only after experiencing this could I realize that I was so immature and needed to grow up. Yes, I was deceived by a fraud.
It started after work. After a long day, I needed a good rest with my cup to be washed. While I was enjoying the view on my way home, a man driving a Benz car approached me.
He pulled over and asked for help:"Is there a mobile phone business hall ahead?"
"I don't know. Maybe," I responded.
"Can I check it with your mobile phone? Mine was lost at a highway service station," He said.
"Of course." So I handed him my phone, and from that moment on, my nightmare unknowingly started.
"Where are you from?"
"You mean my hometown? Shandong."
I think it was a typical psychological phenomenon called "Foot-in-the-Door effect". At first, he asked to borrow my phone and invited me to sit in his car. Then, he told me that he was driving to Jinan, the capital of my home province, from Ningbo. After that he explained that he had to get a SIM card, without which he couldn't contact anyone or navigate to his destination.
However, after several phone calls, we got a solution that he could not get a new SIM card because his birthplace was not in this province. In my opinion, this was made up by him to lead me into the next trap. By the way, during the breaks in those phone calls, he actively chatted with me and mentioned that he was a retired soldier, which gained some of my trust.
Then he said :"We are just strangers meeting for the first time. It's so embarrassing to ask you to lend me some money, but I really need it. Once I arrive in Jinan, I will pay you back." And after some calculation, he figured out that 900 was enough.
At that time, I was isolated and naive, and since talking with a person made me very happy, even though he was a stranger. So I offered to help without hesitation. The real problem,however, was where to get the money. The smart guy advised that I could cash out in a store, which I did. Unfortunately, the first warning came when the store owner could not provide so much cash.
While everyone else seemed desperate except me, I came up with a solution with kindness and excitement :" Drive me to my home and I'll give you the cash."
He was very surprised:" You have cash at home?"
"Yes, just in case."
So finally I took my money from home and gave him 1000 because I wanted to round it up. Surprisingly, the man showed some conscience:"I like 900 and don't want any more." He even grabbed my arm and chatted for a while:" I know you don't have a good job now, when you are free, come to Ningbo and I'll give a you a good job." he pretended to be serious about noting down my number on a tissue and promised that he would pay me back in 3 to 5 days.
Then we parted in delight, but in a few hours I wasn't. Because I realized something was wrong, I wondered if he had lied to me. The following day, I tried to make sure that my money could come back, which made me very distracted and annoyed all day, and it was very hard to focus on my "job". After 5:30 pm, I couldn't help but seek someone to talk about it, so I turned to Gemini pathetically. Only then did I confirm that I had met a fraud.
So, this is the whole story. I'm still surprised that this kind of fraud could happen in such a poor village. The time has healed me from the emotional damage, and actually I don't care much about the money from the beginning. But more importantly, what I learned is that I can't be purely and naively kind anymore; the first thing is to protect myself in this world. I need to be a knight who has a helmet and armor, and then a kind heart inside. Sometimes, I need to, and must, be tough to protect myself, my interests, and my last kind heart, because kindness is more valuable when the world becomes more cruel.
📊 综合分数
Task Achievement: 6.0
Coherence & Cohesion: 5.5–6.0
Lexical Resource: 5.5
Grammatical Range & Accuracy: 5.0–5.5
➡️ 总分：5.5–6.0（大概 5.5 稳，6.0 看考官心情）
📝 评分分析
1. Task Achievement (完成任务) – 6.0
优点
故事情节完整，有起因、经过、转折、结果和反思。
最后一段有一定的“升华”，把故事总结到“自我保护与善良的平衡”，有启发性。
不足
叙事中有些细节显得冗长（例如“cup to be washed”并不影响情节，反而让人困惑）。
有些地方逻辑不连贯：
"Then we parted in delight, but in a few hours I wasn't." → 语义突兀。
"Because I realized something was wrong wondered if he had lied to me." → 语法和逻辑都不对。
反思部分还可以更抽象一些，比如结合“社会现实”或“人性的复杂”。
➡️ 评分：6.0（任务完成较好，但逻辑和深度还不足）
2. Coherence & Cohesion (衔接与连贯) – 5.5–6.0
优点
使用了一些过渡词：at first, then, after that, however, unfortunately, only then。
段落基本分明。
不足
有些连接词缺失或用得生硬：
"The real problem,however," → 缺少空格，格式错误。
"Because I realized something was wrong wondered if he had lied to me." → 逻辑跳跃。
有几段仍是“流水账”拼接（尤其是被骗拿钱那一段）。
➡️ 评分：5.5–6.0
3. Lexical Resource (词汇多样性) – 5.5
优点
有尝试使用高级词汇：phenomenon, navigate, conscience, distracted, pathetically, isolated。
不足
多个拼写错误：
snice ❌ → since
wiht ❌ → with
Surprisely ❌ → Surprisingly
部分搭配不自然：
"seek someone to talk about it" → 应为 "seek someone to talk to"。
"showed some conscience" 不够地道，可以说 "pretended to show conscience" 或 "acted as if he had conscience".
词汇重复率较高：money, fraud, kind, problem 出现过多。
➡️ 评分：5.5
4. Grammatical Range & Accuracy (语法多样性和准确性) – 5.0–5.5
优点
偶尔有复杂句子和倒装结构："Only then did I confirm that I had met a fraud."
不足
明显语法错误：
"cup to be washed" → 错误/表达别扭。
"Because I realized something was wrong wondered if he had lied to me." → 从句结构错误。
"Drive me to my home and I'll give you the cash." → 应加 please 或重写为更自然的请求句。
时态混乱（有时过去式，有时现在式）。
一些句子过长，缺少恰当的标点。
➡️ 评分：5.0–5.5
Original Version：
It's been a long time, so I can descibe it honestly and wisely. Only met with this thing, I could realize that I was so unmature and needed to grow up. Yes, I met with fraud. It started with my afterwork. After a long day, I needed a good test wtih a cup to be washed. When I enjoyed the view the way home, a man driving a Bens car occurred to me. He pulled over and asked for help :" Is there a mobie-business shop ahead?" "I don't konw. Maybe." I responded. "Can I check it with your mobile phone? Because mine is lost in the highway service station." He said. "Of course." So I handed out my phone, where was my nightmare started in my unwareness. "Where are you from?" "You mean my honetoen? Shandong." I think it was a **typical** **psychology** **phenomenon** called "Foot-in-the-Door effort". First, he asked to borrow my phone and invinted me to sit in his car, and then he told me that he was drving to Jinan city which is the ==capital== of my hometown from Ningbo. And now he need to 办理 a sim card without which he couldn't contact anyone and <span data-type="text" style="color: var(--b3-font-color9);">navigate</span> to his <span data-type="text" style="color: var(--b3-font-color9);">destination</span>. But after <span data-type="text" style="color: var(--b3-font-color9);">several</span> phone calls, we got a solution that he could not get a new sim card because his born city was not in this province which I think was made up by him to induce me to next trap.By the way, in the break of phone calls, he actively chat with me and mentioned that he was a retired soilder which gained my some trust. Then he said :"We are just strangers and first met up. It's so embrassed to ask you to borrow me some money, but I really need this. Once I arrive in Jinan, I will pay back." And after some ==calculation==, he figure out that 900 was enough. At that <span data-type="text" style="color: var(--b3-font-color9);">period</span>, I was **isolated** and ==naive== to be kind that made me very happy to talk to a man, even he was a stanger. So I offered to help ==without hesitation==. But the question was where to get that money. The smart guy advised that I could cash out in store which I did. The the first warning came up that the owner of store could not provide so much cash. When everyone was ==desperate== except me, I came up a solution wiht kind and ==excitement== :" Drive me to my home and I"ll give you the cash." He was very surprised:" You have cash in your home?" "Yes, just in case." So finally I took my money from my home and gave him 1000 that I wanted to make a round number. Then some ==conscience foud== the man :"I like 900 and don't want one more." He even ==grabbed== my arm and chat for a while:" I konw you don't have a good job now, when you free, come to Ningbo and I'll give a you a good job." he pretended to be serious about noting my number on his ==tissue.== Then we ==separated== in delight, but in a few hours I wasn't. Because I realized something was wrong wandered if he was lying on me. The next day I make sure that my money could be back which made me very ==distracted== and ==annoyed== all day and was very hard to ==focus== on my "job". After 5:30 pm, I couldn't help to seek someone to talk about this ==whole== thing, so I turn to Gemini ==pathetically==. Only after that I confirmed that I met with a fraud. So, this is the whole thing. I'm still surprised that this kind fraud can happen in such a poor village now. The time have healed me from the emotion damage and I don't care much about the money ==inherently==. But what I learned is that I can't be pure and navie kind anyome, first thing is to protect myself in this world. I need to be a knight who have a ==armet and armour== and then a kind heart inside. Sometimes I need to and must be tough to protect myself, my benefit and the last kind haert. Because the kind is more valuable when the world become more cruel.
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